Work in progress.

I’ve been struggling with time management SO HARD. With being back to work for the last month, I find that everything else gets put on the back burner. I am so burnt out and exhausted after work, that I can’t fathom anything else. Am I the only person that struggles with this?! How do you working moms and dads handle this?

I’ve been wanting to follow a meal prep schedule, gym schedule, etc., but by the time I get home, I don’t want to leave again, put my daughter in the gym child care, and work out. I’ve been going to cardio drumming once a week, and I’m loving it. I feel so good afterwards. I know that self-care is important, but I’m beating myself up so much for being away from my kids and my family so often. This also includes this blog… when I first started, it was easy to write my posts during the day while everyone was at work and school. Now, I feel guilty putting my nose in the computer or my phone to write. Ya’ll I really need this blog, it helps me get my thoughts together. It helps get my emotions in check, but why do I feel like a complete jerk for wanting to take 15-20 minutes to do it? This guilt is eating me alive. I remember feeling this way after going back to work after LJ was born and I chalked it up to postpartum depression, but honestly… it’s just depression and anxiety in general.

My emotions have been totally insane. I feel like a psychopath most days. This past Thursday was my day off, from the moment I woke up I was crying and yelling and being completely inconsolable. Nothing that my husband said or did was right. I basically jumped down his throat no matter what he said. I’ve been super sensitive and my hormones are on a ridiculous roller coaster. To add to this craziness, I start my period just about every week and a half… whew, talk about being on a roller coaster of emotions.

I’ve seen so much about people struggling emotionally and mentally. Some days it’s terrifying how much my emotions and mental well-being can be so up and down. I am so thankful that my doctor required me to attend counseling sessions prior to my surgery, so that I have some coping methods to go through and focus on. I am also, extremely thankful for my husband and kids who consistently support me regardless of my mood. I have people who check on me regularly and an amazing group of cheerleaders who are vocal about their support of what I’m doing. So many people, that I never would have expected, have reached out since the beginning of this, and they are probably some of my biggest cheerleaders.

As June comes to a close, I know that I need to get better. I need to be a better planner, more organized, and more intentional with the path I’m choosing. I’m happy with my stats for my weight loss, not ecstatic, but happy. I have a lot more energy, I’m sleeping better, I feel physically capable to do more things with less resistance. I am starting to step out of my comfort zone. Bring on July!

❤️C