It has been forever since I’ve been able to write. I’ve been feeling extremely overwhelmed. Some days, I literally feel like I could stroke out. I’m trying really hard to be positive and stay the course. Some days are harder than others, but I’ve been trying to focus on the little things that are successful for the day. Non-scale victories have really been getting me through a lot of the tough stuff. Also, thank the heavens for my husband because I really don’t think I could have made it through the last two weeks without him. Seriously, that guy is a superhero.
I’ll recap the last couple of weeks a little. I’ve been stalling and the pounds really haven’t been dropping on the scale as much as I would like them to. I know to expect this, so it’s not really daunting. My anxiety has been out of control the last few weeks. I’m breaking out in red blotches all over my neck and chest, I can’t breathe, I feel like there is a huge weight on my chest… it’s excessive. I remember very vividly experiencing this when I came back from maternity leave and again when we started LJ in day care. I feel crippled and am at a loss of how to regain control. It pours into my work, my relationship with my family, and my ability to be in social situations. I wish I could just flip the damn switch off. There was a lot of anxiety about going back to work and staying on track with my eating and drinking habits. I can say I successfully made it through the first week back without giving in to the temptation all around me.
My first day back, I was extremely sick. Not from surgery, but LJ had a fever and cold/viral thing my last week off and of course, I woke up Monday morning with a pounding sinus headache, sinus blockage, runny nose, and all the fun stuff. Of course I couldn’t call off sick because it was my first day back. I get to work and find out that it’s colleague appreciation. Awesome! I love that my employer takes a week to celebrate the people on their team. What I don’t love is that my first day back, I walk in to bagels & cream cheese, cookies, doughnuts, pastries, candy… ughhhhh, and so it begins. Obviously, I realize people around me don’t have the problems I do with food and therefore can eat these things and not have to worry about morbid obesity. The next day, I get a Wendy’s Frosty handed to me, and with every ounce of strength in my bones, I gave that bitch away. Not today, Frosty. This is not a YOLO moment, this is a “I just had major surgery to rearrange my insides and that calorie and sugar infused cup of deliciousness is not going in my new belly.” Wednesday, we got salads! Amazing, I was too pumped. I hadn’t tried lettuce yet and had heard in my support groups, that a lot of people can’t tolerate lettuce post op. I ate the toppings first and had a couple bites of lettuce to find that I can tolerate it just fine. HALLELUJAH. I am so thankful to be able to transition more foods into my diet.
With that being said, ya’ll I’m struggling so hard with my protein intake. I’m getting so tired of eating the same things. I was never a big meat eater pre-op and this eating your protein first thing is super flipping hard. I really have never cared for grilled chicken breast and it seems that this my option in most situations. It is super lean and has a lot of protein in it. I swear, I can’t do it though. I need to find some options to mix it up. I’m also realizing that a lot of the veggies that I like have a lot of carbs. I really need to do a revamp and find some awesome flavors to put together and allow me to mix it up. I’ve never been good at leftovers… shit, I rarely had leftovers pre-op. I was consistently a part of the clean plate club… and looking back I truly wish I hadn’t been. So, I’m working on it. My motto for this week is “progress not perfection.”
I’m going to share a few of my goals for the week to hold myself accountable:
- Eat home prepared meals as often as possible. Only allow 2 meals to be eaten at a restaurant.
- Close all of my activity rings on my Apple Watch at least 3 days this weeks.
- Join a gym and get at least 30 minutes of exercise at least 3 days this week.
- Celebrate 3 positive moments/successes at the end of each day.
- Be thankful for this journey, even when it is hard.
I’ll try not to stay away for so long this time. If anyone would like to create an accountability group to stick to our goals together, let me know! I’ll take all of the support I can get.
❤ C
Challenging Chalcye 