43,800 Minutes.

Ya’ll can you believe it’s been an entire month since my surgery?! Not that you were counting, but I can’t believe it. Monday was 4 weeks post-op and I’m starting to feel a lot less of the soreness I had been feeling in my left side. I’m really only feeling sore if I push myself and over-do it or if I do something I’m not supposed to… like picking up LJ (you can meet my family here). I’ve also found some ways to avoid the nausea I’ve been experiencing. As I reflect on the last month, these are a few things I’ve learned or come to terms with.

1. Food is for nutrition, not pleasure. I no longer eat because I’m hungry or have the desire to eat. I eat because I need to. The worst part of this is, I never want to eat. I don’t feel hungry. It’s more of a chore than anything. Taking 30 minutes to eat 2-3 oz of food, counting every chew, and making sure I’m not consuming too much or too quickly… that’s a royal pain. What I do get pleasure out of is when my Baritastic app tells me I’ve hit my protein goal for the day. That shit is so fulfilling.
2. Water can be my best friend or my worst enemy. Before I had surgery, I drank over a gallon of water a day. I had to for multiple reasons. I really didn’t drink anything other than water, unless it was an alcoholic beverage or I was running through fast food. I also get terrible migraines when I’m dehydrated. So before surgery, water was my best friend. After surgery… yikes. Water is not my friend. I drink it too fast. I get nauseous from it. I forget to drink it slowly and I don’t hit my intake goal for the day. The best solution that I’ve found to not get nauseous without having to take medication, is to infuse my water with fruit. I have my Ozark tumbler that I keep with me at all times, I fill it with ice, add some sliced fruit (lemons, limes, oranges, pineapple, etc.), and fill it will water. It naturally flavors the water and makes it much more tolerable for me to drink.
3. This lifestyle change is more mental and emotional than I could have ever imagined. I want those of you who have never had weight loss surgery to think about the last party or pot luck you went to. There’s food everywhere. Now imagine yourself walking past every single thing laid out to eat while everyone else indulges. While everyone surrounds the cake waiting for their piece, you politely say no thank you. When everyone tells you one small piece won’t hurt, you still say no. Now imagine yourself out to eat with your family. Everyone is getting steak, fried chicken, pasta, chips and salsa… you order a side of cottage cheese or grilled chicken with no potatoes, no rice, no pasta. Before surgery, I filled my plate with the sides at the parties and potlucks. Now, I have to focus on eating protein first. This surgery was on my stomach, not my brain. This process requires you to take it seriously. No matter where you are, no matter the occasion. It can be lonely, but I promise it’s worth it.
4. People always think I should be losing more. You know what I say… f*ck them. I am literally eating under 700 calories per day. I am not cleared for exercise yet. I have been surviving on liquids and mushy/soft foods for 6 weeks. Please, I beg you, tell me you think I’m doing it wrong. I take 20 seconds to chew every bite, I take 30 minutes to eat a meal. I don’t drink 15 minutes before or after I eat. I am fitting into clothes comfortably that I haven’t worn in years. Yes, I’ve had weight loss surgery, but this doesn’t mean that the scale is going to reflect a difference in weight all of the time. It is hard enough for me to not focus on the movement of the scale, please don’t make it worse.
5. My tastes in food and drink have completely changed. If you’re thinking about weight loss surgery, your taste buds will completely change. Things that tasted good to me prior to surgery don’t always taste good when I tried them post-op. Some of the protein shakes that were appealing pre-op are absolutely disgusting to me now. The thought of Jello is nauseating to me now. If you have stocked up on things, prepare yourself that it may go to waste. It may not… but I truly would not suggest stocking up prior to surgery.
6. I am so lonely. Things aren’t as fun as they used to be. The thought of going out to lunch or dinner isn’t as appealing as it was prior to surgery. I spend $15-$20 on a meal that I can eat 5 bites of, and generally it’s not even the meal that I would typically get. My relationship with my mom and dad has completely changed. We used to go out for meals and drinks on a regular basis, now that I can’t eat normally or drink, those outings have decreased. I am missing my best friend’s bachelorette party because I can’t travel that far yet and I can’t eat and drink. So I sit at home, watch Netflix, blog, read, and try to do things around the house the best I can.
7. I am freezing, all of the time. I don’t know what happened. I could understand if I had lost a significant amount of weight at this point, but I haven’t and I am still cold… all the time. I used to be sweating and comfortable in shorts on 60 degree days, but now, I need multiple blankets at night, I wear a jacket or sweatshirt almost everywhere. It’s unreal.
8. My sense of smell has increased. I can smell everything. Things that pregnant women smell… I smell them. Some things make me nauseous. Some things make me crazy. There is this musty smell in my house right now and I cannot figure out where it is coming from. My husband can’t smell it, but it literally slaps me in the face every morning when I wake up and walk down the stairs. It’s obnoxious.

Even with this list, this lifestyle, this tool, this surgery is worth it. I’ve cried, I’ve slept all day, I’ve been angry, I’ve been anxious, I’ve been depressed, I’ve felt so flipping alone, but I’ve also survived. I have to wake up and give my best effort to stay the course. Every. Single. Day. This will not happen overnight. My husband and kids cheer me on and they make every single moment worth it. If I can do this, you can too.

❤ C